When it Comes to Dating, Our Mindset is Important!
Many of my 40+ clients who are single and want a relationship, tell me that they are daunted by dating. By the time we get to our 40's we have normally collected some baggage.
Some have been really hurt by past relationships or break-ups and just don’t want the same thing to happen again. Others have been single for some time now and feel so out of touch with dating and relationships.
These wonderful women tell me they’re scared to put themselves ‘out there’ and that the dating scene is difficult.
Common limiting beliefs that I hear when speaking to women (particularly those over 40) is that there is a shortage of compatible single men out there, that they don’t believe they will ever meet anyone, it’s too late or that they feel they may be destined to be alone.
These fears from the past and limiting beliefs about the present and future can play a part in just stopping us from even trying to meet someone new!
This type of thinking does need to be worked on and changed for us to be happy and successful in love and this is a big part of the work I do with my clients in my programs. Once we challenge these often false, unhelpful thoughts and embody the belief that we can find our partner and be happy and secure in a loving relationship, then we’re ready to open up to dating. So how to go about dating when we’re over 40?
Dating Apps /Internet Dating are not the be all end all!
Whilst to most single people in their 20’s & 30’s dating apps are the norm as a medium for meeting potential partners, people in their 40’s upwards remember that there was (and still is) another way! Whilst there is no doubt that dating apps can be successful for helping people couple up (and I know a couple of people who met on dating apps and are now happily married or in a stable relationship), they don't always work or are not always an enjoyable experience! Many people tell me they would rather meet their partner in real-life and not have to bother with internet dating.
In my view there are both challenges and positives with both approaches. In this blog I wanted to explore the pros and cons of both using dating apps or choosing a more organic route to meeting your match so that people can decide what is right for them, when looking for love.
Here are the pros and cons of both internet dating and meeting a partner in real-life situations:
Dating Apps:
✅ Pro: Dating apps can offer a convenient approach, efficiently connecting you with potential matches based on shared interests, values, and preferences.
❌ Con: However, the power of the algorithmic may still miss the intangible chemistry that we can only really feel when we meet someone face-to-face!
✅ Pro: Dating apps open the door to meeting more potential partners, broadening our horizons beyond local haunts.
❌ Con: You may 'meet' more people but quantity doesn't always equate to quality, and sifting through profiles can be a daunting and time-consuming task.
✅ Pro: For those juggling a busy career and life, dating apps provide a convenient way to dip your toes into the dating pool without rearranging your entire schedule.
❌ Con: Many women tell me that the last thing they want to do after a busy day at work is jump onto the apps for more screen time.
❌ Con: Are they really who they say they are? Out-dated photos (say no more!!) and exaggerations or bending the truth: It beats me why people still think they can get away with putting old photos of their (much) younger selves on their dating profile. Or exaggerating hobbies (they may have hiked a mountain or sky-dived many moons ago but if you haven't done something for 10 years plus don't make it look as if you're super-active every weekend!) The other classic thing is height exaggeration. Again it baffles me that people state that they are taller than they actually are. I guess they do this because the dating app or site gets you to tick a height box and if you're a guy and under a certain height you may not get as many matches.
❌ Con: The way some apps and sites are set up can be limiting. For example many women over 40 do not look their age they look a lot younger. They would also like to meet someone who is around their age or older, but if older they would like someone who is fit, healthy and takes similar care of their appearance too. Its a common complaint that these women are either attracting younger guys looking for short-term fun with an attractive older woman, or much older guys who these women are not physically attracted to or compatible with either.
❌ Con: These are all comments I've heard from women about talking to people digitally. "It can be so time-consuming to be messaging back and forth with potential dates, just to meet them and not feel any connection." Running out of ideas for keeping conversations going with people who don't ask questions." or "Potential dates wanting to be in constant contact via message otherwise they drift off."
❌ Con: Ghosting!!! I know this can happen if you meet someone in real life too but the structure of dating apps makes messaging &/or dating and then ghosting so much easier! One woman told me that she'd been chatting to someone online for a couple of weeks when he announced that he really wanted to see her as he felt they had built a real connection. She replied back saying that she would love to meet up too. Then guess what?!! She heard crickets!!!!
Meeting in Real Life
✅ Pro: Nothing beats the authenticity of a face-to-face meeting. Real-life meetings allow you to gauge chemistry, body language, and that elusive spark from the get-go.
❌ Con: Initial nerves may cloud judgment, and missed opportunities can happen if we or the person we like, don’t pluck up the courage to make the first move. A way to tackle this is to just chat to people as if they may become a friend, this can minimise nervousness or shyness as it takes the pressure of and you're just having a nice conversation.
✅ Pro: You can meet through shared social circles. Meeting through friends or shared interests provides a built-in network, giving you a common ground from the start. It also means you know more about them and can trust that they are being authentically them too.
❌ Con: The dating pool may feel more limited, and your ideal match might not be within your immediate social circles. You may have a larger quantity of potential dates if you join a dating app, but as we've already discussed above, quantity is not the same as quality!
✅ Pro: Real-life connections often follow a more natural trajectory, allowing relationships to evolve organically and at a natural pace that you both can feel comfortable with.
❌ Con: The pace of meeting someone in real-life might be slower, and impatience may set in.
✅ Pro: If you really didn't enjoy using dating apps, you can just free-up your time to do more of the things you enjoy doing. Life is too short to do something you hate!
✅ Pro: If you're out and about being naturally yourself and not really looking for love (at that precise moment), that is the ideal positive energy to meet someone who sees the 'real' you and is attracted to you just as you are.
✅ Pro: Meeting someone in real-life may require you to do new things, go to events or start new hobbies that will challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. This is all great news as personal growth always come when we do new or different things!
Choosing What Feels Right for You & Striking a Balance
If you’re reading this and you’re over 40 and would like a relationship, finding the right approach often involves striking a balance between the potential convenience of dating apps and the genuine connections that you can make when you meet someone in real life.
There are pluses and minuses for both, as pointed out above! The key lies in navigating them with intention, patience and self-awareness, knowing the benefits and what may be not so great with both paths!
Whether you're swiping right in the digital realm or are more ‘set on’ meeting your match in real life, the journey of dating after 40 can be fun and sometimes frustrating all at the same time!
My best advice is to embrace the adventure, enjoy the journey, stay true to yourself, and who knows—you might just find love where you least expect it.
Remember, whichever route you choose it may take some time to meet a soulmate, but if you’re enjoying your life now as a single person, that isn’t so bad!
P.S. If you choose the real-life approach to finding ‘your person’ you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will also be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Recognizing Green Flags: Positive Signs When Meeting a Potential Partner
When it comes to dating, so much attention is given to red flags — warning signs that tell us that we may have met someone NOT good for us or that there may be potential issues in a relationship.
However, it's equally important to recognize the positive signals that suggest you've found someone that could be a really good and healthy match for you.
In this blog, I wanted to explore the concept of "green flags" — those encouraging signs that can help you identify a promising connection from the very beginning of meeting someone new.
10 Signs That You May Have Met a ‘Keeper’
1. Open Communication: One of the first green flags is an ability to communicate openly and honestly. A potential partner who is willing to share their thoughts, feelings, and aspirations is a true sign of an ability to trust and be transparent. Someone who is able to listen and is interested in what you have to say, your thoughts, dreams and goals, is another great quality to notice.
2. Respect for Boundaries: Healthy boundaries are a set of standards by which you treat yourself and others and you require the same treatment back from others in your life. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect for each other's boundaries. If a date or potential partner demonstrates an understanding of personal space and consent, it's a strong indicator of a considerate and mindful person. If they have good boundaries and respect for themselves, this is also a sign that they will treat you with the same standards.
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity”. Dinkar Kalotra
3. Supportive Nature: A person who genuinely supports your goals, dreams, and personal growth is a valuable find. Look for someone who encourages you to pursue your passions and celebrates your achievements. A relationship should always build you up rather than knock you down!
4. Shared Values: Common values and beliefs form a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Signs that you’re on the same wavelength in this area include being in alignment on important aspects such as family, lifestyle, and core values. This is an indicator of compatibility because the things that are important to you are also important to your potential partner.
5. Emotional Intelligence: An emotionally intelligent partner is adept at recognizing and managing their own emotions while empathizing with yours. Someone who communicates effectively during both highs and lows is likely to navigate relationship challenges with maturity and deal with any conflict in a way that makes both partners feel safe.
“We can improve our relationships with others by leaps and bounds if we become encouragers instead of critics.” –Joyce Meyer
6. Kindness and Empathy: Acts of kindness and genuine empathy are crucial green flags. A partner who shows compassion toward others, whether it's strangers, friends, or family, is likely to bring warmth and understanding to the relationship. If you’re dating someone watch out for how they treat people (waiters, bar staff, strangers, taxi drivers etc) and how they talk about others too!
7. Positive Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are inevitable, but how they're handled is key. A potential partner who approaches conflicts with a desire for resolution, compromise, and understanding demonstrates a commitment to the health of the relationship.
“Let’s not forget it’s you and me vs. the problem. Not you vs. me.” - Steve Maraboli
8. Shared Interests and Hobbies: Whilst opposites can often attract as they say and if a potential partner has different interests and hobbies to you this can also be an enriching experience. But some shared interests and hobbies can strengthen the bond between you both too. Look for someone with whom you can enjoy common activities which allows for a deeper connection and shared experiences too.
9. Reliability and Consistency: Reliability is a green flag that speaks volumes. Look for a partner who follows through on commitments, keeps promises, and demonstrates consistency in their actions. Someone who is true to their word and does what they say they are going to do will give you the confidence that you can trust and depend on them, on the daily but also when inevitable life challenges happen.
“A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If the person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world, will not make them leave. Trust the truth. “ - Unknown
10. Mutual Growth and Independence: A healthy relationship allows for both individual growth and shared experiences. Someone who encourages your personal development while expressing a desire for mutual growth is likely to help you both to grow and nurture the relationship at the same time! Each partner should feel free to be themselves and to spend time with and without their partner, without any pressure to be together all the time!
Awareness Leads to Better Choices
When meeting new people &/or when dating, keep your eyes peeled for these positive qualities. While red flags can show us what we really DON”T want, green flags are great signals that someone could be your ‘person’. By looking out for and noticing these attributes, you can approach dating with a clearer understanding of what you require and expect from a partner, in order to assess if they’re right for you and your ideal loving future relationship!
If you are reading this and are single 40+ and wanting to be in a relationship, you may be interested in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Firstly: What is the Law of Attraction and What Does it Mean to Manifest?
The Law of Attraction and manifestation are concepts that revolve around the idea that our thoughts and intentions have the power to shape our reality. The theory of the LOA is that like attracts like, which means that positive thoughts and energy attract similar energy and positive outcomes. On the other hand, if you’re focusing on the negative you may notice more of that sort of energy and matching situations coming into your life.
In essence, what you focus on and believe in, will manifest in your life.
Manifestation utilizes the LOA on purpose to bring specific desires and goals into reality through focused thoughts, visualizations, and intentions. It involves aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with your desired outcomes to create a harmonious flow of energy, that can lead to the realization of your goals.
When you’re trying to harness the Law of Attraction and manifest what you want it’s essential to incorporate positivity, clarity, and a belief in the power of your thoughts. These aspects need to be aligned to bring about the changes and things you want.
When the LOA Doesn’t Work
The Law of Attraction has gained a lot of attention, especially due to well-known books like "The Secret." It's a powerful tool, but it needs to be used in the correct way! People sometimes complain that it doesn't work as easily as they expected. In this blog, I'll discuss five reasons why the LOA might not give you the results you want, and share some advice on how to overcome each one.
Five Ways You May Not Be Doing it Right & What To Do Instead
Unrealistic Expectations
One of the biggest reasons why the Law of Attraction often falls short is unrealistic expectations. The notion that you can merely visualize your dreams and they will effortlessly fall into your lap is, of course going to end in disappointment!
While positive thinking is the essential first step, it's equally crucial to set realistic goals and take concrete steps towards achieving them. The LOA can enhance your journey, but it's not a magic wand that will instantly grant your wishes.
What to do: Balance your optimism with practical action. Use positive thinking as a tool to stay motivated and focused and keep your eye on the end result, but remember that success often requires persistent effort too!
Lack of Clarity
Another stumbling block is a lack of clarity in your goals. If you're vague about what you want, it's challenging for you to stay focused on your goals and for you to act in ways that assist the universe to bring it into your life. To manifest your goals effectively, you need to be specific and precise about your intentions. This helps you and your energy, align more effectively.
What to do: Spend time defining your goals and visualizing them with as much detail as possible. Write them down, create vision boards, and regularly revisit your intentions to keep them fresh in your mind.
Negativity and Doubt
The Law of Attraction is all about harnessing the power of positivity but it's natural to experience negativity and doubt at times. However if this goes un-checked, these negative emotions can act as barriers to you attracting what you want. If you constantly dwell on what's not working or doubt your ability to achieve your goals, it can hinder your progress. This is because you’re then focusing on the lack of what you want and this will often keep you in that lack!
What to do: Embrace the power of gratitude, affirmations, and meditation to combat negativity and doubt. Surround yourself with as much positivity as you can, and remember that setbacks are just stepping stones to your success. Reframe failure; there’s no failing, just winning, or learning and growing!
Impatience
Patience is key when working with the Law of Attraction. Instant results are not always realistic, and it's essential to understand that the universe operates on its own timeline and not yours! If you become impatient and frustrated, it can disrupt the flow of positive energy.
What to do: Cultivate patience and trust in the process. Focus on each step you’re taking and the lessons you're learning along the way. Manifestation may take time, but if you enjoy the journey, that’s ok!
Resistance to Change
Sometimes, the LOA doesn't work because people are resistant to change. We may be attached to our current and familiar circumstances, even if they're not ideal, and we often fear the unknown. This resistance can create a mental block (often that we’re not fully aware of) that interferes with the manifestation process. This is when limiting beliefs get in the way!
What to do: Embrace change and open yourself up to new possibilities. It’s important to learn how to let go of limiting beliefs and fears, and be willing to adapt to the opportunities that come your way. Remember that nothing great comes from being in your ‘comfort zone’!
You Can’t Just Sit on your Sofa & Expect your Soulmate to Appear!
While the Law of Attraction can be a powerful tool for achieving your dreams and goals, it's not a guaranteed ticket to success. Realizing your desires through the LOA requires a combination of positive thinking, realistic goal-setting, and consistent effort. That means that you can think and feel all you want, but you also have to act!
Overcoming the challenges that we’ve mentioned above, can make the law of attraction work better for you and get you closer to what you really want.
Remember that the universe works in mysterious ways, and sometimes, the things you need most are not what you initially envisioned. Stay open, stay positive, and trust and enjoy the process of manifestation!
We cover manifesting & the LOA in my NEW Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline program, which teaches single women a fun & empowering path to organically attract their partner without dating apps! If this resonates with you, please contact me for more info about this upcoming program (running soon - spaces limited!)
The Solo to Soulmate Program will also be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
