I Learnt to Love Being Single, But it Wasn't Always Easy!
When I think back to being single I remember fully enjoying my life. I was happy and busy with all sorts of stuff. But I did have to learn how to enjoy that phase of my life.
In my 20’s I went from one relationship to another with hardly a moment to breathe and learn from anything! Then when I was 32 my long-term relationship broke up. It was an incredibly difficult time for me and I was truly and devastatingly heartbroken!
But after some time and moving through the grief of a really difficult break-up and subsequent divorce, I did learn to be happy as a single person.
It’s interesting that after a long period of emotional grief and healing and also of really feeling the lack of a relationship, I learnt to accept and appreciate my single life. And when I was loving life that’s when a wonderful relationship came in.
A Single Person Loving Life is Very Attractive!
When you’re happy being single and you know that you are enough and whole as you are, that’s when you tend to attract a healthy, happy partner to you. It seems counterproductive but when you’re really thriving and you’re living your life to the full as a single person, that’s when you attract the good things to you and this includes potential and compatible partners!
Whilst I love my partner and cherish our relationship now, I look back on my single life with a real fondness! I truly believe that we should re-frame being single as an amazing opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and learning to be truly happy inside!
However, it's not always easy to feel content when you're solo in a world that often glorifies romantic relationships.
In this blog, I wanted to tackle why it may not always be easy to feel happy as a single person and also the importance of embracing and enjoying your single life, along with ten practical tips to help you find true joy and fulfilment on your journey to love.
Why It Can Be Difficult to Be Happy Single:
Being single can be tough because of societal expectations that make people feel like they should be in romantic relationships. When you're not in one, you might feel inadequate or like something is wrong, because of this social pressure. Loneliness is also a challenge, especially if you don't have many friends or family for support. When you see happy couples on social media or in your social circle, it can make you feel like you’re missing out because you're comparing your life to theirs. Additionally, your own or your family's expectations can push you into a relationship, even if it's not the right time or the right person. These difficulties show that being single in a world that values romantic relationships can be complicated.
Why Embracing Your Single Life Is Important: Some great aspects about single life:
Being single is a great time to learn more about yourself. You can explore what you like and what's important to you without having to compromise with someone else. You have the freedom to make choices that make you happy and be in charge of your own life. It's also a chance for personal growth, where you can work on improving yourself and healing from past experiences. This can help you have better and happier relationships in the future because you'll be comfortable on your own and won't feel like you need someone to complete you. It's about wanting a relationship, not feeling like you have to be in one to be whole.
10 Tips to Embrace and Enjoy Your Single Life:
1. Cultivate Self-Love: Practice self-compassion and self-acceptance. Treat yourself with kindness and respect.
2. Set Goals: This is a great time to create personal and professional goals to give your life real purpose and direction.
3. Strengthen Friendships: Invest time in nurturing your friendships and building a strong support network.
4. Pursue Passions: Explore your interests and hobbies. Pursuing your passions and what lights you up, can be incredibly fulfilling.
5. Travel and Explore: Take advantage of your freedom to explore new places, cultures and experiences.
6. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness to stay present and focused on your own journey.
7. Learn from Past Relationships: Reflect on past relationships to gain insight into what you truly want in a partner. Look at past patterns and get really clear on what you don’t want this can lead you towards what you do want.
8. Socialize and Meet New People: Join clubs, take classes, and attend events to meet like-minded people OR people who are different to you, which allows you to learn and broadens your horizons.
9. Help Others: Volunteering and helping others can be a fulfilling way to find purpose and joy.
10. Stay Open to Love: While enjoying single life is important, stay open to the idea of love. Embrace the now with an anticipation about the exciting future that is coming your way!.
I hope that this blog has inspired you to know that being single doesn't mean you have to put your happiness on hold. It's a unique phase of your life where you have the freedom and opportunity to grow, learn, and discover what makes you truly happy.
When you embrace this time with an open heart, and you'll be better equipped to welcome love when it comes your way. And you’ll enjoy your life NOW (which is what it’s all about!)
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
Toxic Relationships Can Leave You Feeling Broken!
Healing from a toxic relationship can be a challenging and emotional journey, for anyone. But because I mainly work with women, in this blog I will talk about the important parts of the healing process for single women.
If you are a single woman who has experienced a toxic relationship, and you're struggling right, now read on.
In this blog I'll talk about the steps to recovery, self-care practices, and valuable insights to help you move forward. While this path may not be easy, it's really important to focus on regaining your sense of self-worth, confidence, and emotional well-being, so that you can feel good in yourself. In my experience it is much better to take the time to heal and stay single for a while to do this, before moving into another relationship.
Here are Some Important Aspects of Healing from a Toxic Relationship:
Understanding Toxic Relationships:
As part of embarking on your healing journey, it's crucial to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships are those that cause emotional, psychological, or physical harm. They may involve manipulation, control, emotional or physical abuse, or other destructive behaviors. Acknowledging that you were in such a relationship is the first step towards healing. You need to get super-clear on what was wrong in the relationship. This awareness is crucial, because you want to make sure that you don't repeat the past. You also want to be able to develop some healthy boundaries and feel confident on what is right and what is not so that you can call out any bad behaviour (or just stay away from certain people) in the future!
Embrace Self-Compassion:
To heal, it's essential to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Understand that it's okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, and confusion. Self-compassion involves forgiving yourself for any perceived mistakes and giving yourself permission to heal at your own pace. Give yourself the opportunity to feel uncomfortable feelings and don't just push them away. I recommend doing a journalling practice to scribble down your thoughts and feelings. This allows you to acknowledge difficult emotions and process them and will also help you move through the stages of healing quicker in the long run! There is a saying that you need to 'feel to heal' and this is very true. Give yourself this opportunity.
Seek Support:
You don't have to go through the healing process alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can provide emotional support and guidance. Talking to someone who understands what you've been through can be incredibly therapeutic. Don't suffer in silence!
Establish Boundaries:
Toxic relationships often involve a lack of healthy boundaries. Part of the healing journey is learning to set and enforce boundaries. This may involve distancing yourself from the toxic person and establishing clear limits to protect your emotional well-being.
Rediscover Your Interests:
During a toxic relationship, you may have put your interests and hobbies on hold. Your partner may have belittled what is important to you and you may have let go of these parts of yourself. Now is the time to rediscover your passions and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Reconnecting with your interests can help you regain a sense of self and independence.
Practice Self-Care:
Self-care is an essential aspect of healing. Looking after you whilst you heal, includes getting enough rest, maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, all the basics! You could also try some relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing, and as I mentioned previously, a journalling practice can also be part of your self-care! All of these things can help. Prioritizing self-care helps you rebuild your physical and emotional strength.
Set Realistic Expectations:
Healing takes time! It's important to have realistic expectations about the healing process. There will be good days and bad days. Progress may be slow, but that's okay. Celebrate small victories, and don't be too hard on yourself during setbacks.
Focus on Personal Growth:
Learn the lessons! To truly heal, consider the toxic relationship as a learning experience. Reflect on the lessons you've gained and how they can contribute to your personal growth. This shift in perspective can help you move forward with newfound wisdom and strength. Gaining awareness of past patterns that could've contributed to the toxic dynamics in that relationship will help you to look out for the red flags in future too.
Rebuilding Trust:
Trust, especially in yourself, can be severely damaged by a toxic relationship. It's essential to work on rebuilding trust over time. Start by connecting to and trusting your own judgment and intuition. As you regain trust in yourself, it becomes easier to trust others. And you will also be able to build some healthy boundaries when you truly listen to yourself and what you need.
Lastly, Just Know That You Can Heal!
Healing from a toxic relationship is a process that takes time and effort. It's important to remember that you are not defined by your past, and you have the strength to create a healthier and happier future. By embracing self-compassion, seeking support, and focusing on personal growth, you can fully put yourself on the journey towards emotional recovery and well-being as a single woman. Remember, you deserve love, respect, and happiness in your relationships, and the healing journey is a crucial step in achieving that.
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
What Does It Mean to Get Triggered in a Relationship?
Being triggered in a relationship refers to a strong emotional reaction to something your partner says or does, which often feels disproportionate to the situation. These emotional reactions are typically linked to past experiences, traumas, or unresolved issues. When you're triggered, you might feel angry, hurt, defensive, or any other intense emotion, and it can lead to arguments, misunderstandings, and relationship strain.
Why Does It Happen?
Triggers are nearly always coming from the past and often from unresolved trauma or unmet needs. Relationships often bring these issues to the surface as past experiences of pain, betrayal, or rejection can resurface when a current situation resembles them in some way. Poor communication or just not knowing your partner and the intricate emotional world beneath the surface of all of us as humans 😍, can lead to misunderstandings and trigger emotional responses. When you and your partner are not on the same page, it's easier to react strongly to something that they say or do that hurts you. These actions are often not done with an intention upset you.
10 Examples of Triggers in Real-Life Relationship Scenarios
Here are some examples of actual triggering situations that come up in relationships (names are purely fictional):
Abandonment: Example: Emma becomes deeply anxious when her partner, Mark, goes on business trips. She fears being left alone and disconnected from him due to past experiences of her father's frequent absence during her childhood.
Infidelity: Example: Michael, who was cheated on in a previous relationship, becomes triggered when he discovers that his current partner, Sarah, has been texting a coworker frequently. He immediately becomes suspicious and confrontational.
Insecurity: Example: Jane, who has struggled with body image issues, gets triggered when her boyfriend, Chris, compliments another person's appearance. She interprets this as a sign that he finds her unattractive.
Criticism: Example: David grew up in a household where his parents constantly criticized him. When his girlfriend, Lisa, offers constructive feedback about a project he's working on, he takes it as a personal attack and responds defensively.
Control: Example: Sarah, who was in a controlling relationship before, feels triggered when her current partner, Alex, expresses concern about her safety when she goes out with friends. She interprets his concern as an attempt to control her.
Neglect: Example: Ryan feels neglected when his girlfriend, Megan, prioritizes her work over their relationship. He becomes emotional and accuses her of not caring about their connection, bringing up past experiences of feeling neglected in relationships.
Loss or Grief: Example: On the anniversary of her father's passing, Emily becomes deeply triggered and emotional, leading her to be distant from her partner, Max, who struggles to understand her grief.
Financial Stress: Example: Lisa and Tom argue frequently about money. Lisa, who grew up in a financially unstable household, becomes triggered when Tom suggests investing in a risky business venture.
Family of Origin Issues: Example: Mark's unresolved family conflicts with his parents resurface when he and his wife, Jessica, plan a family vacation, leading to tension and arguments.
Attachment Style: Example: Sarah, who has an anxious attachment style, becomes triggered by her partner's need for personal space. When he asks for time alone, she feels rejected and abandoned, even though he reassures her of his love and commitment.
These examples illustrate how personal triggers can affect individuals in various ways, leading to emotional reactions and conflicts within their relationships. Recognizing and addressing these triggers is essential for fostering healthier and more understanding partnerships.
What to Do When You Get Triggered
Pause and Reflect: When you feel triggered, take a step back and give yourself some time to reflect on what's happening. Ask yourself if your reaction is proportionate to the situation or if it's connected to past experiences.
Identify the Trigger: Try to pinpoint the specific words or actions that triggered you. Understanding the trigger helps you and your partner work through it.
Communicate with Your Partner: Open and honest communication is key. Share your feelings with your partner, but avoid blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to express your emotions and needs.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that everyone has triggers. It's okay to feel the way you do. Self-compassion can help you approach the issue with a more level head.
Seek Support: Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore your triggers, understand their origins, and develop healthy coping strategies.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can help you stay present in the moment and reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions.
Work on Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is crucial. The more you understand your triggers and the underlying reasons for your reactions, the better you can manage and heal from them.
Be Patient: Healing from triggers takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through these challenges together.
Why It's Important to Address Triggers
Ignoring triggers or allowing them to fester can lead to increased tension and distance in the relationship. Unaddressed triggers can also erode trust and intimacy over time. By working together to address triggers, you and your partner can strengthen your relationship and create a deeper level of trust, understanding and support.
Ultimately knowing and dealing with your own triggers and seeking to understand your partner's, will build and nurture a stronger and more loving relationship for you both!
P.S. If you're 40 + single and are ready to find a relationship, you may really like my NEW program: 💕Solo to Soulmate: Finding Love Offline: A fun & empowering path to organically attract your partner without dating apps.💕
❤️ 🦋 In this course you’ll go from feeling discouraged, stuck and like love is passing you by to feeling empowered, inspired and confident that you can enjoy the freedom of an organic path to meet your soulmate, without the time-consuming frustration of dating apps.
We’re starting soon and places are limited. The first 10 people to enrol will get a special rate in return for their feedback as founding members! If you want to join us on this life-changing 4 week course please get in touch by writing "First 10" in the message box here!
The Solo to Soulmate Program will also be included in my upcoming Healthy Relationship Formula 8 week program beginning on the 16th of April!! Go here to read more about this and to apply!
